Last post was in November, eh...
Well, I really fell off the map. Stagnated, and I haven't done anything.
Now, my life's fallen through the floor.
My dad made me haul 40 pounds of groceries home (a 2 mile walk) because I wasn't mindful enough to do the dishes at 8 AM before work. That and my mother told me that I didn't look good enough to justify me getting up 2 hours before I had to leave to make sure that everything was in place and (gasp) I ATE SOMETHING BEFORE WORK.
My mother called it a "fuck you" in my direction for being so "lazy/selfish/arrogant/bastard", so I gave them a royal "fuck you" back.
Don't buy me food.
I won't eat it.
There, now I'm a broke depressed anorexic college student with no hope/future/goals/dreams/chance in hell of surviving one more year, and now I get the luxury of buying my own food.
Hint: I won't be buying much. I can't afford it, and what I can afford, I don't want.
So yeah. I just fucking binge-proofed my life.
and now..things are going to get so stressful...but it'll be worth it.
I'll have everything I want and nothing I need.
It's going to suck by any other person's standards, yes, but...
It's just how it has to be.
I have parents who tell me that I don't deserve anything that I get, and until I deserve what I get, they don't care about anything I need.
Who needs love, anyway? Who needs being told that he or she has any purpose in the world?
We can get by fine with having our parents tell us that if we go for a walk to cool our heads, that they'll lock the door and not even care if we
freeze to death.
Oh, wait...no we can't.
Where am I supposed to be? In what reality? Is this it?
How do I live? I don't know.
I don't know how to find out.
Maybe they're right. Maybe I should be taken out with the Monday trash.
Who can I trust to give me that answer?
