spinnyspinnyspinnyspinny

I am so freaking dizzy I might just faint.

half of it's anger. Half of it could be my body realizing I'm relapsing. It doesn't like starving.

Screw recovery. I don't want to be fat yet. Give me a little time to enjoy being nothing.

my head is spinnyspinnyspinnyspinny and I feel uglyuglyuglyugly.

maybe I'll faint at work tomorrow. They'll stuff me with orange juice and I'll have to burn off the calories later.

maybe I'll be fine. That'd be perfect.

Either way, I'm hoping things go well. My only real desire is to get rid of one of those fucking ugly 6's on that scale. I just can't wait till I'm back below 160. It wasn't that long ago. Perhaps I still have diet soda in my system. If that's the case, 166 is unnaturally high. It's hard to imagine gaining 6 pounds in 5 days when you never ate more than 4000 calories during recovery...especially when you worked off half of them.

I wish I could stop drinking pop long enough to find that out. my pee hasn't been its normal yellow for a while. Until only a short while ago, it was almost clear. Now it's completely clear. That's how much I'm drinking these days to keep my stomach from rumbling. It could also be adding on a ton of water weight/stomach volume (from the carbonation) because I don't feel much fat coming on. I want to know where all this mass and weight is coming in when I can see it on my gut and on the scale when I can't feel it.

I'm tired. I should sleep soon.

only if Powerade was carbonated. It has electrolytes.

Maybe I should eat a sponge, to help get rid of some of that water.

I'm also cutting out carbs at night. No carbs after my last workout of the day.

I just want that number lower. I don't care how it comes.

I could lose 10 pounds overnight if I sawed off my arm.

I don't think I'll do that though.

Ugh. I'm making no sense.

Good night.